So let me update you on bootcamp!

I have failed in getting on my blog to tell everyone about my bootcamp saga. Believe it or not I am doing my THIRD 4 week session already!

First Bootcamp:

The very first day I showed up bright and early just like I was supposed too and started bootcamp. I can honestly tell you that within 10 minutes of starting I was literally thinking "what the fu*ck have I gotten myself into?" It was truly one of the hardest things I have ever done. I am so out of shape and so overweight that I could not get through the freaking warm up. I kept going though the best I could and made it through the first day but not without regrets.

Everyday was so hard and I seriously thought I would not make it through the month. My eating was on point during bootcamp for about 2 weeks and then I didn't do what i should have done the rest of the month. When the month was over, I felt so accomplished for getting through it that I don't remember feeling so good getting through something in my whole life. The results spoke for themselves. I lost approximately 9 pounds and 18 1/4 inches with 8 of those inches being in my waist and hips!!!!!!! I was absolutely thrilled.

Second Bootcamp:

I started the 2nd bootcamp session with a great attitude knowing that I could get through it no matter how hard it was. The 1st session I did 5 days a week but this session I did 4 days a week. 5 days a week was a lot for me and on the week off between sessions I felt completely worn out. I went through the 4 weeks without any major mishaps except that during a sprint I hurt my knee. It hasn't been right since. But I wear a knee brace to get me through and if the pain is TOO much then I ask for an alternative. Joy the bootcamp instructor is the real deal. She pushes you further than you EVER thought you could be pushed. I am really starting to enjoy going to bootcamp and am motivated to get up each morning and go. Joy just does that for a person. She is extremely positive and helps to change our "mental" attitude towards things. The second bootcamp made me stronger than I have ever been. My results weren't as good as the first month and the reason being is because I ate like shit the ENTIRE month. I lost only 4-5 pounds and about 6 inches total. I was happy to go down instead of up but my results could have been AMAZING if I worked on the food aspect of things.

Third Bootcamp:

I just started my 3rd session this past week. I am already done with the first full week. It truly does get easier every month. Don't get me wrong, everyday I struggle and think I can't go anymore but I get through it and feel FANTASTIC. I started a raw diet this month and did great for the first 5 days. I have went off the raw this weekend because I got tired of feeling like total shit. I know I should have stayed strong and I might have felt better next week but I just didn't do it. So on Monday I will try again.

Losing weight is 20% exercise and 80% food. I LOVE THE EXERCISE! I wish it was 80% exercise and 20% food and I would have this issue licked. However, things can't possibly be that easy for me so I digress.

I will keep trying and keep trying until I get it right. It's who I am. I don't give up easily and even though it may take me a long time to get it, I will finally get it sooner or later.

Boot Camp Baby!!

I am starting a Boot Camp. I have been wanting to do this for quite sometime and just finally got up the nerve to join. I had my pre-camp evaluation last night and that was a real eye opener!

Well ok. What a smack in the face that was! Ugh. I am on my period so I weighed in at *** again. My body fat percentage was 43%. My measurement were awful. I am SO fat and heavy, dense.

I am "morbidly obese". I always think about a morbidly obese person as someone like "Ruby" or the 500 or more pound people. I never saw myself as morbidly obese. Wow. That hurt.
So anyway. Bootcamp starts Monday. 5:30am and we have to be there at 5:15am. I have to take a yoga mat and 2 sets of barbells. (5 & 10 lb.) They want RUNNING shoes and not cross trainers. Every week there will be a "2 Mile Fun Run". Omg!! They call it the fun run because it's not just a straight 2 mile run, it's a freaking exercise course where there are stations during the 2 mile run.

We will do boot camp rain or shine. No matter what unless it's like hurricane weather. LOL!Next up. Food. Absolutely NO coffee, alcohol or soda the entire 30 days. NONE. NONE. NOT ONE. They also would like us for just 30 days to try and go on a "raw diet". Fruits, Veggies and nuts and seeds. The purpose of this is to quickly get rid of the addictions to sugar, caffiene, etc. They want us to text, call or email ANYTIME we have a question about what we are eating or about anything. They even said they would love us to twitter a picture of our meals to them! Isn't that a riot?

They are predicting that I should lose 25 pounds in the full session of Boot Camp. They told me the inches I should lose too but I forget all that. They want me to be a regular on their blog because there is a lady on there that weighed over 300 pounds and she has lost about 58 pounds in TWO boot camp sessions! WOW!

There is no cussing in boot camp or you do pushups. There is no "I can't" in boot camp or you do pushups. There is no "I'll try" in boot camp or you will do pushups. They are VERY serious about all this! They do not want you to weigh in AT ALL during the session.
So, that is the synopsis of pre-evaluation. Fun stuff!

I got nothing for ya

It's Saturday night. I am bored. I did just get home from being out of the house since 3:00pm though. I was going to take a day to myself but ended up cleaning the house and doing laundry and left late. I went to a few stores and browsed and then by the time I got in the mall parking lot I was summoned. So I left the mall and went to my parents house (yes it was them who summoned me) and I babysat my grandma while they went out to dinner. She is 94 or 95 I can't remember and has Alzheimers and just recently had a stroke. So yea, she needs babysat.

When my parents got home I was able to take off again and head to a couple other stores to browse. However, here I am at 10:16 at home, in pajamas and for whatever reason really wishing I was younger again so I could go out and dance the night away like I used too. I am feeling quite old as of late and I don't like it one little bit.

The nostalgia of my younger days is really clouding my brain lately and I am wishing I had done some things differently.

Ever been to this place? We like it here at our house. We just went there for dinner. I had a Joey Combo. Yea, it's as bad as it sounds. Heart attack on a plate for sure. A burrito with rice, beans, steak and any other goodies you want it. No cheese for me thanks, I am watching my weight. LOL! I so adore this thing that I sit down with a fork and instead of eating it like sandwich, I stand it upright, and eat OUT OF IT with my fork. It is so freaking good. They have a pretty damn nice place here where I live and my husband, daughter and I like to go there to eat and relax and have some family time. If you haven't tried it, check it out. Yo! Joey! I am coming for ya!

My Dad

So, I have been tagged to blog by my good internet girlfriend Laurie. She is trying to get me off my ass to blog. I followed the directions and went to the 6th folder in my pictures and picked the 6th picture. Guess which picture it was? MY DAD!!!! Anyone that knows me knows I adore my father. He is one cool dude. Yea, he has his issues like anyone else and some things about him drive me INSANE, but I love this man almost more than any other man I have ever loved. He is super smart, has common sense like nobody's business and is just an all around cool ass dude. It is because of this man that I have been fairly successful in my short life and I do owe him a huge debt of gratitude.

C'mon, you know he looks cool as hell. ;-)

I'm Working On It!

Time to get my ass back in here and start blogging regularly. I stopped scrapbooking so I don't have anything to really preserve what is going on in my life but this right now. Until I gather my thoughts I really don't have much to say except that life is the same ole, same ole. Same shit, different day.

Dennis is feeling much better. Need to get all of us on a exercise program. It's amazing how hot it is outside. We need to come up with something for inside. I seriously don't think any of us can take the heat. It's freaking HOT!

So, I am going to try to come up with some ideas and topics that might actually interest someone other than me. See you soon!

So, it's 2 months later

Well hello there! Yea, I told you earlier in my blog if you don't hear from me I have fallen off the wagon. Yep, there you go. I said it. I suck ass. I fell off the wagon and haven't lost much weight and here I am trying to make you feel sorry for me. LOL! Not really, but shit, can't a girl wish?

BIG things have happened on my end. My husband who is only 43 years old had a heart attack last Sunday night. What's that like you ask? Well of course for him it sucked. But for me, it was the scariest thing that has ever happened. I can't even imagine being a 38 year old widow. That isn't how my life is supposed to be. I feel we dodged a big bullet this time. His guardian angel (Marcy, his mother) was watching over him and made him stay here on earth with me. I guess she figured he could visit another time. :-)

Since he has gotten out of the hospital we have been very careful with our eating. We both even ate FISH for dinner last night and you wouldn't catch fish on our menu before if it was swimming in a pond next to our house. We are going for walks after dinner and cutting out the soda and caffiene. He also is quitting smoking. Doctors orders ya know.

I am still going to Weight Watchers and plan on being successful at it. The thing now is, I am not doing this just to lose weight. I am doing this, or I should say WE are doing this for our health. I need my husband to be around to grow old with me and I need to be around as well for my daughter and him. So by putting the "losing weight" out of my head, maybe I can be successful at this. And the best part about it, my whole family will be much more healthier for it.

Carpe Diem bitches! Seriously though, seize the day, it could be your last.

So, it's Sunday

Yea. So, it's Sunday. And I kicked ASS this week! I weighed in on Thursday night and lost 2.4 pounds. That's right bitches! 2.4 pounds!

Seriously though, I was really happy with that and it gave me the spunk to keep it going this week. I have not messed up at all and I even went for a 35 minute walk today. It was GORGEOUS out. I know this had to be a way of life and not just a diet. So I am planning on slowly making changes to assist myself in making this a "way of life".

I also had another first today. I have not been to church since I was a child. Today, I went to church. By myself. My husband didn't want to go and my daughter didn't want to go, so I went all by myself. It was weird at first to be walking in alone but by the time the service was over I was SO glad I went!!

I was awfully quiet today and my husband noticed. He wanted to know if something was wrong. Really, there was nothing wrong perse, I just was thinking a lot about my life and my choices up until now. I realize that I need some serious changes to happen and some spiritual growth to happen. Something has to grow other than my ass!

So, I will weigh in this coming Thursday night and I hope the results show the work I have put in thus far.

Until another day. :-)

Thursday 1/15/09

Did you ever have a moment where you were just randomly doing something and you got this huge epiphany? I had one of those last night watching The Biggest Loser on my TIVO and then watching Oprah on my TIVO. It was profound to say the least. Profound to "ME" anyway. Those of you who read this may think "what the fuck is so profound about that?". But heh, this is me and my life and what I think is profound is all that matters.

While watching The Biggest Loser I was taking special note of Joelle. It absolutely floors me that she went through the whole process of being on the show and doesn't put her 100% effort in. There are so many millions of people who would love that opportunity and there she is acting like an ass. WTF? At first, I was pissed off! I finsihed the show with a really bad attitude towards her.

Right after that I watched an earlier in the week eppy of Oprah I had on TIVO. Do you know who was on there? Season 3's winner of The Biggest Loser. He has gained 100 pounds back. This is when the epiphany hit. We can have all the help in the world to lose this weight. Private chef's, private trainers, etc on the payroll and it STILL may not help lose the weight. What it told me was that only "I" can do this and if "I" don't figure out the reason WHY I have this weight issue, then no program, fad diet or guru in the world is going to help me take this weight off.

What is my issue? I really don't know to be honest with you. I think a lot of it is being afraid of failure. I have done so well at most things in my life, but this weight issue as eluded me. I am so afraid of failing, that i don't even give myself a chance. From the onset of every diet, every try and every thing I do to lose weight I haven't given myself a chance. I know from the very beginning that I am going to fail so I give it a shot and if I fail, then I am not surprised. It sucks!

I weigh in tonight after my first week of Weight Watchers. I know I did well. But then again, it's the first week and I always do good at least a week. It's the second, third, fourth and subsuqent weeks that fuck me up.

So, here's to thinking about me for a change! I want to make myself a top priority. Even with all the insane bullshit going on in my life right now, it's time to make ME the most important thing in MY life.

Oh, and back to Joelle. Now i am not mad at her anymore. I feel bad for her. There is obviously something going on with her that is keeping her from giving her 100%. And now, instead of wanting her kicked off, I want her to find what "that" thing is that is mentally challenging her to NOT to well on this show. Rock on Joelle!

So today is Monday. Blech. I hate Monday's. I think it's because I never know what the week is going to bring me. I am in a foul mood today. I certainly didn't get enough sleep last night and that must be what started out the Monday blues.



I am hungry today too. I am pissy and hungry. What's stopping me from going into the fridge and eating that tub of chocolate chip cookie dough that needs to be baked? Just good ole willpower at this point. I am telling you, I could go to bed right now and not get up until morning.



I have some huge things in my life that are bothering me right now besides my weight. I grapple with how to handle them on a daily basis and wonder why exactly I am even dealing with these particular problems to begin with. It must have been my greed. Yep, that's right. I used to be materialistic and greedy. I certainly have been humbled over the past few years but we went down a twisty road that is going to be hard to find our way back. We will, but its going to take a long time.



I really don't know what to type at this point. Wish I knew a joke. A joke might make you laugh. Hell, a joke might make ME laugh right now.