Thursday 1/15/09

Did you ever have a moment where you were just randomly doing something and you got this huge epiphany? I had one of those last night watching The Biggest Loser on my TIVO and then watching Oprah on my TIVO. It was profound to say the least. Profound to "ME" anyway. Those of you who read this may think "what the fuck is so profound about that?". But heh, this is me and my life and what I think is profound is all that matters.

While watching The Biggest Loser I was taking special note of Joelle. It absolutely floors me that she went through the whole process of being on the show and doesn't put her 100% effort in. There are so many millions of people who would love that opportunity and there she is acting like an ass. WTF? At first, I was pissed off! I finsihed the show with a really bad attitude towards her.

Right after that I watched an earlier in the week eppy of Oprah I had on TIVO. Do you know who was on there? Season 3's winner of The Biggest Loser. He has gained 100 pounds back. This is when the epiphany hit. We can have all the help in the world to lose this weight. Private chef's, private trainers, etc on the payroll and it STILL may not help lose the weight. What it told me was that only "I" can do this and if "I" don't figure out the reason WHY I have this weight issue, then no program, fad diet or guru in the world is going to help me take this weight off.

What is my issue? I really don't know to be honest with you. I think a lot of it is being afraid of failure. I have done so well at most things in my life, but this weight issue as eluded me. I am so afraid of failing, that i don't even give myself a chance. From the onset of every diet, every try and every thing I do to lose weight I haven't given myself a chance. I know from the very beginning that I am going to fail so I give it a shot and if I fail, then I am not surprised. It sucks!

I weigh in tonight after my first week of Weight Watchers. I know I did well. But then again, it's the first week and I always do good at least a week. It's the second, third, fourth and subsuqent weeks that fuck me up.

So, here's to thinking about me for a change! I want to make myself a top priority. Even with all the insane bullshit going on in my life right now, it's time to make ME the most important thing in MY life.

Oh, and back to Joelle. Now i am not mad at her anymore. I feel bad for her. There is obviously something going on with her that is keeping her from giving her 100%. And now, instead of wanting her kicked off, I want her to find what "that" thing is that is mentally challenging her to NOT to well on this show. Rock on Joelle!